REALITY
FEBRUARY 6, 2025
Dear Mindful Friend,
I haven't been walking up the hill by my house very much lately. It's cold. It's icy, and I don't want to fall again. My husband, who is my companion, coach, and dog walker, is also reluctant to go as his hip hurts, and he will be having surgery at the end of March. Such is life. I don't always like what it brings: old age, illness, loss, and death. I must remember that living a full life means opening to ALL OF IT. I struggle to maintain a realistic attitude without being morbid or overwhelmed. I feel not only my pain but the pain of others. I struggle not only with limitations because of the weather or the state of my body but also with the state of the world. Everything changes, and I realize it's not always for the better. I breathe, feel my feet, and override my resistance to what I'm reading. Every day there is something new that disturbs me. Fortunately, something new every day makes me appreciate its presence. I am determined to stay balanced and clear and use awareness to cultivate wisdom and compassion. I've been noting how others are coping. Jim Acosta, one of the anchors on CNN who was punished for his views and relegated to a midnight slot, was quoted as saying, "Don't give in to the lies, don't give in to the fear, hold on to the truth and to hope."
I take heart by being with people I love and respect who make the effort to face reality and am impressed by their courage and strength in maintaining an open heart and mind. I've been listening to dharma talks that help me remember my intention to do no harm and remind me that everything passes. The talks are sincere, based on direct experience, and reinforce compassion and kindness. I feel grateful for my meditation practice and the people who come to it. I hold dear to my heart each person I see on the Zoom screen and I am thankful for their presence. I feel my connection to each person and appreciate practicing together. It gives succor and helps me stay grounded and open to joy. We've been discussing the characteristics that aid us in living a life that has integrity and purpose: ethical conduct, generosity, patience, diligence, and wisdom. Last week we were discussing the benefits of generosity. One woman expressed her sense of oneness with all beings and the richness of giving to another so she could feel better herself. She said that it countered discouragement. Your pain is truly my pain, and so is your joy and kindness.
Lately, I've been focusing on "the ordinary”, and seeing routine activities as an opportunity to strengthen mindfulness. For example, I don't like brushing my teeth, but just like the rest of my body, they show wear and tear. I appreciate that I still have a full mouth of them even though all but a few are crowns, and I have an implant. I don't take them for granted like I used to do. I have never liked flossing or brushing my teeth because I usually wait until it is late and I feel like going directly to sleep. Cultivating generosity includes being good to my teeth. I need diligence to brush earlier before I am half asleep and patience to do it completely, even if I'm tired. I've discovered that bringing mindfulness to the process makes it interesting. Doing it with attention is interesting. This is a revelation. I love water and recently we got a waterpik as a present. It's fun to use, and I enjoy squirting the water into just the right spot in my mouth. My mouth feels fresh before I go to sleep and put in my mouthguard. I've stopped bemoaning having to do this. I now realize there are some things you just have to do because it makes sense. Being healthy requires a realistic assessment of what is needed and diligence in doing it. Resistance makes it harder. I say to myself, Floss, Elana, floss. It's not onerous when I do it mindfully, and I sleep better.
Gratitude helps. I never fully appreciated the utility and wonder of having two hands until after I broke a bone in my dominant hand and had to wear a cast, which forced me to rely on my other hand which was awkward and created difficulties. I don't want to fall again. I'm finding it humbling to acknowledge my agility has decreased and my balance is off, so I'm more mindful when I walk and rush less. At home, my husband and I are making changes to the house to make it safer. We've installed handrails in the shower and built a second railing by our steps. It is helpful to focus on what I can control rather than complain or deny its need. I still don't like accepting these changes, but it's wise. I appreciate what I have and can do. I can still drive, care for my needs, shower, dress, and go to the bathroom. Yay! Someday, this might not be possible.
T. S. Eliot, who writes in the poem "Little Gidding"
"Humankind cannot bear very much reality."
Sadly, I think this is true. I'm finding it hard to face what I don't like and I don't understand cruelty to self or others. I live by the tenet to do no harm. I challenge myself to be kind, respectful, and discerning. Nothing can change without awareness of its effect. It feels courageous to see things as they are--and then decide what is possible. I begin with myself.
I'm learning I tend to push myself, but forcing myself to do just one more thing when I am tired is not a good idea. I've discovered naps are restorative, and I am more effective, kinder, and sharper after one. Sleep is a blessing, and non-doing makes sense and is enjoyable…and I still get surprised that this is so.
Every day is precious. Sharing your presence with me is a present. Our coming together for meditation and reflection buoys my spirit and brings hope. It helps me face the reality of aging and the conditions in the world today. May we all support each other, treasure our friendships, be kind, and hold each other with love and kindness This, too, is real.
Our next gathering is Thursday, February 6, 2025, at 11:00 AM EST.
We'll discuss how we face the realities that challenge us. Do you agree with T.S. Eliot that humankind can not bear much reality? Does meditation help?
You are welcome to invite friends, but please have them register on my website.