Every year my husband and I look forward to the blossoming of the magnolias. They are beautiful, lush, and delicate. A few years ago we planted a magnolia tree in our garden and it has recently begun to flower. To honor its emergence, savor it, and keep it fresh in my memory I took a photo of it and used it as a virtual background in my meditation session. One of the participants asked how I created the background. She had just returned from a trip with her daughters to the Amalfi Coast and wanted to use it as her background for Zoom. She was glowing with happiness as she spoke of the trip and the time with her daughters. I felt her joy radiating through my body. Warmth filled my chest and even teared me up a bit. How lovely it was to experience the generosity of her sharing. Her happiness was contagious. It was just there filling the moment with joy. This feeling of lightness and joy didn’t end when the formal sitting did. I carried it with me. As I saw my husband at the computer I bent down and spontaneously gave him a kiss. The world seemed brighter, the budding trees spectacular and the daffodils bright and cheery. The earth bursting with new growth was visible all around me, outside and inside.

It’s not always easy to take in another person’s joy but I find that it’s a gift to share and an act of generosity. Your joy is my joy. Can you imagine what the world would be like if we all could do this? It is expansive and it creates connection. Thich Nhat Hahn, the Vietnamese monk who helped bring mindfulness to the West had endured a great deal of suffering and he emphasized the need to smile. He talked about smiling, smiling when you greet a person, and smiling into pain. The smile helps maintain perspective. Pain is also contagious. I find myself very carefully choosing the material I read and what I watch on TV. There is so much violence and cynicism. My father was a paint salesman and was known as “smiling Jack Rosenbaum”. He loved people and his love expressed itself in his smile. He was genuinely happy to be with you. At the time we didn’t always appreciate his stopping to chat with a person on the street, a shopkeeper, waiter, or person we didn’t know. He found everyone interesting. We, my mother, brother, and I often grew impatient and wanted to move on. Yet, unconsciously I took in his ability to smile and see the best of people. It could be infuriating to wait for him and hard to understand his interest in a stranger or something in a store window or on the street but as we grew older, as did he, my appreciation for this ability to find joy in the mundane grew. I now recommend stopping and taking in the wonder all around us that is so easy to miss. “Smiling Jack” has influenced my ability to see the good in others and helped me bear the pain of disappointment and loss. I savor the boosts of joy that come from being with people who are generous and caring. I find meditation can bring out the best in us—as long as we can REALLY ride the waves of emotion, remember everything changes and be open to what is supportive. This can be effortless but does take remembering. A smile helps.

Mindfulness in Pali literally means to remember. I practice remembering. I remember to say thank you. I remember that change is a part of life. I remember everything passes and I don’t have to like everything or always say, “yes” to a demand. I remember that what I do, think, and feel has an effect and I have choices. I remember love supports me and hate drags me down. Physiologically we are wired to remember what is harmful. This is a protective mechanism and practical, but can we also remember to savor the experience that is neutral or positive? Can we recognize the ordinary as extraordinary or do we need to lose something to appreciate its wonder. Are the buds on the trees so spectacular because the trees were bare all winter? Must we get sick to appreciate being well or can we say, thank you now? As a little girl, I remember being in kindergarten and saying a prayer before our cartons of milk were placed on our desks to drink (Yes, this is politically incorrect and would not happen now in a public school). The prayer was:

"Thank you, God, for the food I eat.

Thank you, God, for the birds that sing.

Thank you, God, for everything.”

I will be away for the second Thursday in May so our next Aging with Wisdom group will be next Thursday, May 5th at 11 AM, Eastern Time. I invite you to join us and share the journey of awakening - and a smile.